Existing Is Just Existing

"existing's tricky, but to live's a gift." ee cummings

Today is a good day . . .

Momentary
By A.E. Stallings
I never glimpse her but she goes
Who had been basking in the sun,
Her links of chain mail one by one
Aglint with pewter, bronze and rose.

I never see her lying coiled
Atop the garden step, or under
A dark leaf, unless I blunder
And by some motion she is foiled.

Too late I notice as she passes
Zither of chromatic scale—
I only ever see her tail
Quicksilver into tall grasses.

I know her only by her flowing,
By her glamour disappearing
Into shadow as I’m nearing—
I only recognize her going.

Isn’t this a lovely poem? A.E. Stallings will be at the Sewanee Writers’ Conference this summer for the first time.
It may take a couple of reads to discern sho actually the “she” is. Probably from the mind of my adult life being steeped in Biblical history, I tend always to think of the snake as fale, even the snake as metaphor. And, so, today is a good day for a poem about a snake, I think. mm-hmm.

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feeling a little cynical

after this week of love? I am. This poem by William Logan,

author of eight books of poetry and five books of criticism. I

recently had the opportunity to introduce him at a reading and

I said that to enumerate all his accomplishments, I would have

to get butcher paper to list them all. I suggested having him

run through it like a football player. somehow, I have my doubts

that he ever played football. He has been called the most

hated man in all of poetry, but in my opinion, he is one of

the nicest men in all of poetry, with a great soft spot for

hurting hearts.

A Valentine For Matthew Arnold

 William Logan (1977)

The Seas of Faith are full again with vain
Philosophies, empty orders of gods,
Demons of the mind and heart supplanting
The slow angers of love with hollow stares
And rhetoric. These are not days to love,
When the rare expectations of morning
Will be blackened by the shoddy evening.
Let us be faithless to one another.
The monarch butterflies now copulate
In the kitchen, bats bare their teeth against
The screens, and throatless songbirds rasp all night.
At dawn, armies of toads and frogs litter
The walks. All animals act cruelly
Toward each other. We are no different.

 

I am reading this poem over and over and listening to the Doors

Grateful Dead. Wonder what that says about me. Am I

different than an animal? Is the survival of the fittest my rule

for love? I don’t know, maybe. Maybe that is what marriage

is really all about, who can bear it the longest?

oh, and happy birthday good boy bryan. Sorry i forgot.

 

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be still a moment

Psalm to Be Read with Closed Eyes

By D. Nurkse

Ignorance will carry me through the last days,
the blistering cities, over briny rivers
swarming with jellyfish, as once my father
carried me from the car up the tacked carpet
to the white bed, and if I woke, I never knew it.
Be still and listen to the moment in this poem.
That moment the author recalls for us all, I think.
Either, you have carried a sleeping child to bed
or some of you, the lucky ones, may have been carried.
Or maybe both carried and been carried. But, this
poem is, feels a bit like the way I am living my life now.
Sleeping, being carried—unwaking somewhere.
Only, this time I don’t know where.
copied from www.poetry.org

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no light, no light

Buchenwald

Listening to a podcast while I do online banking, which caused me pause,

hearing Anthony Hecht’s poem, “More Light, More Light.”

Two deaths in two different centuries—one in Renaissance England

and one outside Buchenwald. Christoper Hicks, professor of

Humanities at Boston University, mentions so rightly

that the rhyme is hard for the first several stanzas and breaks

up in the last stanzas, disintegrating, if you will. I feel haunted by the

line, “and every day mute /  Ghosts come drifting from the ovens . . .”

http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/poetry-off-the-shelf/id138752347

For Heinrich Blucher and Hannah Arendt
Composed in the Tower before his execution
These moving verses, and being brought at that time
Painfully to the stake, submitted, declaring thus:
"I implore my God to witness that I have made no crime."

Nor was he forsaken of courage, but the death was horrible,
The sack of gunpowder failing to ignite.
His legs were blistered sticks on which the black sap
Bubbled and burst as he howled for the Kindly Light.

And that was but one, and by no means one of he worst;
Permitted at least his pitiful dignity;
And such as were by made prayers in the name of Christ,
That shall judge all men, for his soul's tranquility.

We move now to outside a German wood.
Three men are there commanded to dig a hole
In which the two Jews are ordered to lie down
And be buried alive by the third, who is a Pole.

Not light from the shrine at Weimar beyond the hill
Nor light from heaven appeared. But he did refuse.
A Luger settled back deeply in its glove.
He was ordered to change places with the Jews.

Much casual death had drained away their souls.
The thick dirt mounted toward the quivering chin.
When only the head was exposed the order came
To dig him out again and to get back in.

No light, no light in the blue Polish eye.
When he finished a riding boot packed down the earth.
The Luger hovered lightly in its glove.
He was shot in the belly and in three hours bled to death.

No prayers or incense rose up in those hours
Which grew to be years, and every day came mute
Ghosts from the ovens, sifting through crisp air,
And settled upon his eyes in a black soot.

 

 

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Let us remember . . .

that in the end we go to poetry for one reason, so that we might more fully inhabit our lives and the world in which we live them, and that if we more fully inhabit these things, we might be less apt to destroy both.

Christian Wiman, Editor of Poetry Magazine

Good exhausted tonight. I picked William Logan up from school, (was it just yesterday?), took him to tea (the Anglophile), dropped him at his hotel, wrote for two hours , cobbling together an introduction for his reading, printed it at like 5 minutes and ocunting, introduced him, heard his reading, went with a big group to take him to a French bistro, woke up, went to Body Pump, picked him back up, coffee and croissants at a French bakery, to the airport, all of this time spent with one of the most important men in poetry today, all of this only to realize that I am woefully ignorant of the current poetry scene in America, Britain, anywhere. It’s hard starting late, playing catch-up, trying to learn all that I’ve missed, much less what is being written now, today, yesterday. LIfe is short, I’m reminded once again. “Life is short,” is a cliche for good reason. It’s because it’s true. And life is full of choices. Choose wisely. What you read, what you care about, who you care about.

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So, what is the novel?

I started my last class for this degree last night (besides my thesis hours). I know. It’s about time. I think I have dragged this degree out so much because I love school so much. I mean I think I know that. I love, love, love learning. And last night was a high for me. The Modern British novel. So guess how many we are reading? NINE. They call it the Book of the Week club. My teacher is brilliant. He is a Joycean expert. He has written many articles in his field. So. You will never guess what “they” consider the first Modern novel. Not the first novel, but the first modern novel. MADAME BOVARY. Book it. I was so gratified that I had read it during all those child-bearing, nursing, child-dragging around, picking up for a living years. Not that I didn’t enjoy them. Not that I don’t have regrets for how driven I’ve been. Not that I’m any less driven now. It’s a tool in my toolbox. It numbs pain. And it really, really works. SO. Heart of Darkness, Sons and Lovers, Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man, A Clockwork Orange, Mrs. Dalloway, Saturday Morning, Saturday Evening, The French Lieutenant’s Woman, The Good Soldier. Is that nine? It better be. I finished Conrad today, read Joyce’s short story “Araby,” am about to study British Imperialism and the reasons for mass Irish immigration to America in the Twentieth Century. I can’t stop. But back to Bovary. I have so much to say about that. This woman, I can relate to. Her pain. But, the real thing that makes it a “Modern” novel is that it makes no overt judgments. That, and the fact that Flaubert wrote painfully, rather than painlessly—as we believe Dickens and Scott did. He chose “le mot juste,” the right word—which of course makes perfect sense in poetry and should be always the rule of writing. The right word makes the right sentence makes the right novel. Ad infinitum. Ad glorious infinitum.

See for yourself. Read Heart of Darkness. What is the heart of darkness? Is it found only in the hearts of British Imperialists or do we all have this heart of darkness. Why didn’t Conrad write an easy adventure novel like Sir Walter Scott might have done? Why did Kurtz go mad? Why was it “Horrible, horrible,” and most of all, why can I not forget those two words. I hear them now, “Horrible, horrible.”

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Today I am full of thoughts

“To-day I am full of thoughts and can write what I please. I see no reason why I should not have the same thought, the same power of expression, to-morrow. What I write, whilst I write it, seems the most natural thing in the world; but yesterday I saw a dreary vacuity in this direction in which now I see so much; and a month hence, I doubt not, I shall wonder who he was that wrote so many continuous pages. Alas for this infirm faith, this will not be strenuous, this vast ebb of a vast flow! I am God in nature; I am a weed by the wall.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson 1803–1882, U.S. essayist, poet, philosopher. “Circles,” Essays, First Series 1841, repr. 1847.

via Today I am full of thoughts, Ralph Waldo Emerson | Dictionary.com.

Well, a little pantheism never hurt anyone.

Did it?

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At least

some things in life are constant. The best ice, the best char-grilled burgers, the best strawberry milk shakes.

20111228-073636.jpg

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meaningless expectations

So. I was just thinking to myself how much I really, truly enjoy writing. Not writing like this, but concentrated writing. It’s like waking up every day to a puzzle that is intensely and at the same time beautifully, brutally frustrating. Kind of the way I fell about love, I guess. An insane puzzle that is beautifully, brutally frustrating.
The article excerpt below (from Harvard Business Review blog) reminds me that the expectations I have for these words I write, although it takes a certain level of hubris to think this—my expectations for these words has only to do with what I hope and how I want them to fulfill a certain purpose. But, really, it all has only to do with me, which makes it all feel like a giant journey in self-absorption. I want my words to go out and give someone pause, cause someone to consider what is “forbidden, what is hidden,” what is not being said in the words and in every day of our lives. So, this business article, although quippy and clever reminded me that I don’t really write to meet anyone’s expectations. I can’t. I don’t know what they are. And in that terrific zero-gravity airspace, I know. I know that I can really only know my expectations for what must be said. And don’t even think of telling me that you have no idea what I just said. heh.
Meaningless Expressions
I wrote about the phrase “thinking outside the box” recently and how overused and utterly misunderstood the expression is. There are many more. Another term that has lost its meaning is “Let’s exceed the customer’s expectations.” Employees who hear it just leave the pep rally, inhabit some kind of temporary dazed intensity, and then go back to doing things exactly the way they did before the speech. Customers almost universally never experience their expectations being met, much less exceeded. How can you exceed the customer’s expectations if you have no idea what those expectations are? I was at a Hilton a few weeks ago. They had taken this absurdity to its logical end. There was a huge sign in the lobby that said, “Our goal is to exceed the customer’s expectation.” The best way to start would be to take down that bullshit sign that just reminds me, as a customer, how cosmic the gap is between what businesses say and what they do. My expectation is not to have signs around that tell me you want to exceed my expectations.

Abstract Valley Girl 2.0 Acronymitis Using Meaningless Expressions
This is when you combine the four diseases above. So you get phrases like, “You should meet this guy with the SIO. He’s sort of this kind of social entrepreneur thinking outside of the box in the sustainability space and working on these ideas around sort of web-based social media, and he’s in a round two capital raise in the VP space with the people at SVNP.” How many times have you heard what you now recall to be precisely this sentence?

This would all be funny if it weren’t true. People just don’t make sense anymore. You’ll save yourself a lot of trouble if you internalize this. Observe it, deconstruct it, and appreciate just how ridiculous most business conversation has become.

You will gain tremendous credibility, become much more productive, make those around you much more productive, and experience a great deal more joy in your working life if you look someone in the eye after hearing one of these verbal brain jammers and tell the person, “I don’t have any idea what you just said to me.” http://blogs.hbr.org/pallotta/2011/12/i-dont-understand-what-anyone.html

 

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How could I

forget that today is the 70th anniversary of Pearl Harbor? When I got home from my last Poetry class (not mandatory, but a fun meeting off-campus), I turned on the movie channel that plays old movies, and From Here to Eternity was playing. Of course, I walked in on the most passionate, scandalous scene of all with Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr kissing in the waves. Took me a few minutes, but I realized why that movie was playing today. And I remembered this: my father delivered the first “Extra” that the newspaper in Warrensburg, Missouri had ever experienced. I don’t know if it would have been today, December 7, or tomorrow, December 8, but he had a red bicycle and a paper route and can you imagine the excitement a boy of eleven felt delivering news of this magnitude.
In other news, a man at the poetry party said I was a genius (but smart is not enough, he said.) I’m not, but my father was. Two good reasons to remember him happily, today. Oh, and the same man said I’d written my best poem yet. And it’s about a MIdwestern couple. Actually, it’s a story about my dad’s one time best friend.
That makes me a little bit glad today, too.

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